Undecided
- Ronith Ranjan
The heart mourns the shattered ideal
Of the perfect college life dreamt
To tell myself it’s no big deal
Make the most of what you have in the present
To choose comfort, surrounded by loving family, at home
Yet feel alone behind a constant closed bedroom door
Tired and anxious of the mind that only knew to roam
Fifteen weeks later, I yearned for an experience much more
To choose adventure on grounds in Charlottesville
In search of new friends and memories to make mine
I’m running forward but still stuck on this treadmill
That I speed up and up to make up for lost time
Choose nothing, expectations eroded
I sit and think at Hilton with COVID
I wanted to write a poem that paid ode to my first semester of college (which I spent at home), the start of my second semester of college (which I spent on ground), and my current stay at a hotel for isolation. My decisions reflected what I thought was the best choice in that moment yet the conclusion shows how there are so many factors out of my control that I still ended up with what I was trying to avoid for so long— both COVID and dissatisfaction.
The sonnet form fits well with the content of my message. The rima alternata quatrains structure plays well with my indecisive nature. The heroic couplet, which also serves as the volta, acts abrupt and unfinished. I know I will want to write another poem after the duration of my isolation to capture some of the emotions and change then. I hope you enjoy what I have written!